Crazy Eyes, Sam & the Virgin
Welcome to the second part of our MAFS 2019 recap series.
Let's start real quick with the first round of honeymoons from the couples we introduced last time:
Jules & Cameron
Again, very sweet. Jules almost drowned which was not great, but they're both so into the honeymoon phase that there's really not much to fault them on. Unless I already forgot.
Nic & Cyrell
Still no. I mean, I'm into Nic - he's pretty great. It was emotional to see him talk about his cancer and what he went through, and heartbreaking to hear that he can no longer have children naturally but at least there is the option for IVF. Devastating still, but you don't choose this stuff.
I still think Cyrell is annoying, but credit to her for being so understanding. I have to agree with her though that kids are something I want in my future some day and it would be difficult to swallow that from a prospective partner. But you do make it work if its the right person and its biological inability over lack of want.
Melissa & Dino
Again, hilarious. Melissa is like my spirit animal, she's a mess. Watching Dino trying to do an erotic strip tease and shake his junk in Melissa's face only to have her boot the wine glass in killed me. She's a cartoon character, seriously! They write rom-coms about people like her and I think they really should cast her in one.
I can also relate to her utter bewilderment trying to understand just what in the hell Dino is on about when he's trying to get her to meditate.
She's the best.
Jessika & Mick
Look, Mick accusing Jess of just being in it for the Instagram is kind of offensive. She probably just likes Instagram, I know I always Snapchat my holidays and shit if someone married me I'd surely Snapchat my honeymoon too. Wasn't she already supposed to be an Instagram model in the first place? You can still be in it to meet someone but still be into social media. They aren't mutually exclusive things.
I still think that Mick is kind of simple. I'm not sure these two are a good match at all.
Jess sure calmed blew up and calmed down quickly enough though, she probably felt bad.
Mike & Heidi
This was the best part of the episode, I have to say for sure. Lord almighty is Mike a complete moron. No wonder he's still single into his 40s because we all know that women love men to NOT pay attention us, especially if we're trying to open up and relate to them. NOT.
Its like Mike has never met a woman in his life or he's just genuinely that kind of oblivious. I wonder how many other such occasions there have been in his life when his arrogance and disinterest has really hurt someone like he did Heidi.
I mean it started off great with them all over each other and slyly hinting at all the sex they've been having (good for them) but the second Heidi tried to open up about her childhood trauma he zoned out like it was year 10 biology. MATE are you for real? Then he had the gall the tell her she was being unreasonable and to just get over it. Uh, no dude you're an asshole.
Thank you, next.
Ning & Mark
Speaking of, that brings us to Ning & Mark. Apparently Ning has been spotted out on the dating app Bumble (I've never been on it but I imagine its like Tinder?) so I hope its because Mark got sick of her nasty attitude and gave her the boot.
I feel so bad for him, he's just a nice guy looking for love and he got paired up with someone who needs psychology not romance.
Her dramatic mermaid flop backwards away from him in the pool was sensational. You'd have thought she was 17, not into her 30s.
Someone please help Mark.
Now that we know sort of where we're at with the first week of couples, that brings us to Sunday night's so-called big TV wedding event: The Crazy Eyes, Sam and the Virgin. And Lauren, they forgot to mention her before, she represents a whole quarter of the episode.
Liz
The Crazy Eyes is Liz. She's tall, sassy, glam and a little bit terrifying if I'm honest. I've got a lot of respect for that level of confidence and her zazz is something to behold, but the makeup, the crazy eyes and the claws are too much for me. It looks great on her and my style is obviously different to hers, but I think she probably has a similar purpose behind her persona as I do - to make me feel more confident.
I mean she did turn into a bridezilla and she scared even the groom a bit, but she's alright.
The crazy eyes haunt me a little so if she could stop with that, that would be great. It would also be cool if she ditched the extensions and went for a little less full on makeup look because shes got a really pretty face...and now I sound like a guy.
"women shouldn't wear makeup, we like the natural look" - You have no idea how much makeup still goes into the natural look, boys. Plus, if you don't like makeup maybe you shouldn't wear it.
I changed my mind, I still think subtle makeup and no extensions would still look great on Liz but you do you, Liz!
Sam
Liz's fortunate blind husband is Sam, and he's been billed as being so pretty it hurts but vastly misunderstood. Someone's already made that Zoolander joke so I don't need to repeat it, but it must be hard to be so attractive (rolls eyes).
Sam's deal is that women misjudge him based on his looks and he finds it hard to have a real connection with someone. Look, it happened to Zac Efron at one stage so its not impossible, but its still hard to take seriously. Though I guess it shouldn't when unattractive people get judged pretty quickly too.
Funnily enough though in virtually the same breath Sam goes from bemoaning the danger of being so beautiful to saying Liz is bigger than he'd like and he'll have her working out. Maybe your being single is a little less about how hot YOU are and more along the lines of how you have a narrow view of female beauty and expect perfection, Sam. Just consider it.
As hot as he is - yes, he is hot - the fact that we have the same nickname kind of puts me off him. Honestly if he had probably any other name on the planet I'd find him more attractive.
I hope he turns out to be a nicer guy than his first impression on us as the show goes on. Pretty, mean people are such a stereotype.
Matthew
Matthew is a 29 year old virgin in 2019. I mean it's not as weird as it sounds, I guess. Once upon a time I was a 24 year old virgin in 2015. I get it, and I get the look some people get when you tell them which makes you feel like an alien.
Not sure why it was such a big reveal he needed to make to the whole of Australia, but that's fine. It can be very nerve-wracking and the anxiety about it certainly increases as time goes on. Hopefully maybe it will be sometime for people in similar situations to relate to..?
He also took singing lessons so he could sing at the wedding. His voice wasn't bad but that didn't stop me cringing damn hard.
Lauren
Finally, we have the seemingly forgotten part of Sunday's foursome: Lauren. Matched up with Matthew, they maybe should have told her because the pressure will be tough.
But I like Lauren, she seems like one of the nicest girls this season and genuinely looking to meet someone really special. As a wedding makeup artist it must have started to get hard over time to be a part of the special day of so many women and wish that your own would come. I get it, I feel like that the older I get and more weddings I go to.
The next wedding I go to in March I'm probably going to have to take it easy with the wine so I don't end the night Bridget Jones crying at the reception. More because I'm heartbroken and because the wedding fantasy that I was starting to build over the last year is a bit shattered and seems a hundred more miles away than it used to. Yes, I finally thought about wedding things just in time to pack it all away back into the attic of my mind where it will rot like Miss Havisham's manor.
The moral of the story here is that I like Lauren and I relate.
Sam xox
Let's start real quick with the first round of honeymoons from the couples we introduced last time:
Jules & Cameron
Again, very sweet. Jules almost drowned which was not great, but they're both so into the honeymoon phase that there's really not much to fault them on. Unless I already forgot.
Nic & Cyrell
Still no. I mean, I'm into Nic - he's pretty great. It was emotional to see him talk about his cancer and what he went through, and heartbreaking to hear that he can no longer have children naturally but at least there is the option for IVF. Devastating still, but you don't choose this stuff.
I still think Cyrell is annoying, but credit to her for being so understanding. I have to agree with her though that kids are something I want in my future some day and it would be difficult to swallow that from a prospective partner. But you do make it work if its the right person and its biological inability over lack of want.
Melissa & Dino
Again, hilarious. Melissa is like my spirit animal, she's a mess. Watching Dino trying to do an erotic strip tease and shake his junk in Melissa's face only to have her boot the wine glass in killed me. She's a cartoon character, seriously! They write rom-coms about people like her and I think they really should cast her in one.
I can also relate to her utter bewilderment trying to understand just what in the hell Dino is on about when he's trying to get her to meditate.
She's the best.
Jessika & Mick
Look, Mick accusing Jess of just being in it for the Instagram is kind of offensive. She probably just likes Instagram, I know I always Snapchat my holidays and shit if someone married me I'd surely Snapchat my honeymoon too. Wasn't she already supposed to be an Instagram model in the first place? You can still be in it to meet someone but still be into social media. They aren't mutually exclusive things.
I still think that Mick is kind of simple. I'm not sure these two are a good match at all.
Jess sure calmed blew up and calmed down quickly enough though, she probably felt bad.
Mike & Heidi
This was the best part of the episode, I have to say for sure. Lord almighty is Mike a complete moron. No wonder he's still single into his 40s because we all know that women love men to NOT pay attention us, especially if we're trying to open up and relate to them. NOT.
Its like Mike has never met a woman in his life or he's just genuinely that kind of oblivious. I wonder how many other such occasions there have been in his life when his arrogance and disinterest has really hurt someone like he did Heidi.
I mean it started off great with them all over each other and slyly hinting at all the sex they've been having (good for them) but the second Heidi tried to open up about her childhood trauma he zoned out like it was year 10 biology. MATE are you for real? Then he had the gall the tell her she was being unreasonable and to just get over it. Uh, no dude you're an asshole.
Thank you, next.
Ning & Mark
Speaking of, that brings us to Ning & Mark. Apparently Ning has been spotted out on the dating app Bumble (I've never been on it but I imagine its like Tinder?) so I hope its because Mark got sick of her nasty attitude and gave her the boot.
I feel so bad for him, he's just a nice guy looking for love and he got paired up with someone who needs psychology not romance.
Her dramatic mermaid flop backwards away from him in the pool was sensational. You'd have thought she was 17, not into her 30s.
Someone please help Mark.
Now that we know sort of where we're at with the first week of couples, that brings us to Sunday night's so-called big TV wedding event: The Crazy Eyes, Sam and the Virgin. And Lauren, they forgot to mention her before, she represents a whole quarter of the episode.
Liz
The Crazy Eyes is Liz. She's tall, sassy, glam and a little bit terrifying if I'm honest. I've got a lot of respect for that level of confidence and her zazz is something to behold, but the makeup, the crazy eyes and the claws are too much for me. It looks great on her and my style is obviously different to hers, but I think she probably has a similar purpose behind her persona as I do - to make me feel more confident.
I mean she did turn into a bridezilla and she scared even the groom a bit, but she's alright.
The crazy eyes haunt me a little so if she could stop with that, that would be great. It would also be cool if she ditched the extensions and went for a little less full on makeup look because shes got a really pretty face...and now I sound like a guy.
"women shouldn't wear makeup, we like the natural look" - You have no idea how much makeup still goes into the natural look, boys. Plus, if you don't like makeup maybe you shouldn't wear it.
I changed my mind, I still think subtle makeup and no extensions would still look great on Liz but you do you, Liz!
Sam
Liz's fortunate blind husband is Sam, and he's been billed as being so pretty it hurts but vastly misunderstood. Someone's already made that Zoolander joke so I don't need to repeat it, but it must be hard to be so attractive (rolls eyes).
Sam's deal is that women misjudge him based on his looks and he finds it hard to have a real connection with someone. Look, it happened to Zac Efron at one stage so its not impossible, but its still hard to take seriously. Though I guess it shouldn't when unattractive people get judged pretty quickly too.
Funnily enough though in virtually the same breath Sam goes from bemoaning the danger of being so beautiful to saying Liz is bigger than he'd like and he'll have her working out. Maybe your being single is a little less about how hot YOU are and more along the lines of how you have a narrow view of female beauty and expect perfection, Sam. Just consider it.
As hot as he is - yes, he is hot - the fact that we have the same nickname kind of puts me off him. Honestly if he had probably any other name on the planet I'd find him more attractive.
I hope he turns out to be a nicer guy than his first impression on us as the show goes on. Pretty, mean people are such a stereotype.
Matthew
Matthew is a 29 year old virgin in 2019. I mean it's not as weird as it sounds, I guess. Once upon a time I was a 24 year old virgin in 2015. I get it, and I get the look some people get when you tell them which makes you feel like an alien.
Not sure why it was such a big reveal he needed to make to the whole of Australia, but that's fine. It can be very nerve-wracking and the anxiety about it certainly increases as time goes on. Hopefully maybe it will be sometime for people in similar situations to relate to..?
He also took singing lessons so he could sing at the wedding. His voice wasn't bad but that didn't stop me cringing damn hard.
Lauren
Finally, we have the seemingly forgotten part of Sunday's foursome: Lauren. Matched up with Matthew, they maybe should have told her because the pressure will be tough.
But I like Lauren, she seems like one of the nicest girls this season and genuinely looking to meet someone really special. As a wedding makeup artist it must have started to get hard over time to be a part of the special day of so many women and wish that your own would come. I get it, I feel like that the older I get and more weddings I go to.
The next wedding I go to in March I'm probably going to have to take it easy with the wine so I don't end the night Bridget Jones crying at the reception. More because I'm heartbroken and because the wedding fantasy that I was starting to build over the last year is a bit shattered and seems a hundred more miles away than it used to. Yes, I finally thought about wedding things just in time to pack it all away back into the attic of my mind where it will rot like Miss Havisham's manor.
The moral of the story here is that I like Lauren and I relate.
Sam xox
Comments
Post a Comment