Sunday, July 31, 2011

Hiding behind the things that don't really matter.

It's been a while since I last posted anything. Over 6 months rather when I last ranted about something. Perhaps I've been saving myself, working off the need to express some other way, but who knows. I'm back now and I have the need to share :)

I don't intend to make it a simple bitch, whine and moan session, just to be clear! But being an expressive blog post, I've got to let it out a little.

I'm in the doghouse on a few levels this week, it would seem. The first reason is perhaps the fault one, in which I did something - with no excuse except for that of alcohol, anger and bad judgement - that's effects were something more of a sense of betrayal for a friend. By 'friend' I say this lightly because of a lot of issues between the wounded party and I over the years, most recently being a serious hurt for me. But my pain was glossed over as usual, and this mistake - speaking to someone after being told not to, not saying anything i wasn't supposed to, only listening and trying to give advice - is apparently unforgiveable.

Do you think I'm unfairly treated yet? Would that I could download the information from my mind onto the page without writing a novelisation of the past between this person and I, to make you understand. Not to jump to my side, just to see what I mean and where I'm coming from. Alas, no.

The second mistreatment is perhaps both called for and not, a sort of 'tough love' coming from another friend but delivered very poorly at an inappropriate time. And agreed on by other friends. Now, I recognise I have the ability to ber overly emotional, I can bitch and whine and moan and cry - that's just my personality, just who I am. Being called on that, publicly, reprimanded and told to essentially toughen up after a bad night caused by the aforementioned problem, seemed to me both really hurtful and unfair. I'm not a hardass kind of person, I'm constantly falling over and getting back up again after a bit of a cry - I can't change that about me - but to hear that from my friends was a bit rough. Had it been to the side, quietly and well approached, then perhaps I would have been able to understand a lot better. I'm not unreasonable, I do my best to take constructive criticism into account. I'm a writer after all.

So that's my little release session for today. Hopefully you don't think to ill of my for saying so but I do feel better now, and the need to bitch, moan and whine, for now, assuged. Isn't that what a blog is for, anyway? To talk about your work, your friends, your feelings, share information and express ideas?

If not, well then I've got it all wrong. I'll return on a happier note next time, but until then happy reading!