It's not at all negative, mind, at least when it comes to reflection because I am a firm believer in actually trying to learn and interpret from the past. Hence the degree in archaeology. Even when I rearrange my own memories it is for my own greater good in preserving them. Think of it as cutting the dry part of the cake off so that you can enjoy the moist part just behind it rather than tossing the whole cake. Do you understand?
I decided that the lyrics to Little Mix's 'Shout out to my Ex' were pretty valid of my past situation, and I kind of threw myself into just having fun being a singleton. I have had three dates in the past weeks! Three! Nothing suss, just that I met up with a few very nice guys and got to have some great conversations with some new people - you know me, I love meeting new people.
And whether or not I think that any of the dates are going anywhere the point is that I had fun and I am that step closer to my past affairs, especially that awful one over the winter, actually being lost to time. Am I erasing memories? No, they aren't that painful that I feel like I need to forget. But I am remembering the good parts of them - some a little differently to others. I can't change the past but I can control what I take from it, what I learn from it and how I view it. This is all part of moving on and just enjoying my life for what it is.
I'm kind of enjoying being single and just dating - well, loving to hate the dating scene at least.
Meanwhile someone else, a fling from my past, was brought back into my life when they were funnily enough much harder (and less necessary) to forget than the other. I can't help how I feel and I found I missed them - so I figured why not let bygones be bygones? To be fair the only excommunication came from an intention to be more faithful and respectful to someone no longer around. Meh! I can talk to whomever I want to this holiday season especially when I really don't feel the need lately to settle down in anyway.
I mean I don't need kids, I don't need a house and I don't need a husband in the next few years. Do I sometimes want those things? Sure. Do I want them today? No.
So it's all part of the reflection process in reevaluating what I really want from life and how I am going to get it. Reconnecting with people for better or worse, letting some things fly from mind, trying new things and meeting new people - that's all what life is about now, isn't it?
At the end of the day I'm still in my 20's. I'm adult enough to make my own choices and deal with their consequences in my own way. If that's going on some average and terrible dates then great. At least when I'm old (if I make it that far) I'll have some interesting stories to tell.