Monday, May 16, 2016


I was thinking about the option of a Genie earlier after thinking I could wish myself skinny, and I think I've thought of the perfect solution.

Genies, or Djinn as they were originally known in Arabic, are supernatural creatures from Arabic/Islamic tradition more modernly infamous for granting wishes. What is really cool (besides granting wishes) is that they are made of a smokeless and scorching fire which is why when depicted they always look like they've risen up out of their lamp like steam.

There is archaeological evidence which indicates a very old tradition of Genie worship in Islamic culture but as with all supernatural beings there is no hard up proof that one exists (or still exists). Just like with Mermaids, ghosts, werewolves, witches and vampires I will always believe in the possibility - religion is man made, belief is very real. 

If you remember the three rules from Disney's Aladdin there are certain things you can't do with a Genie, especially the kind of Robin Williams Genie I was picturing. 

1. No more wishing for more wishes.

This is exactly why you can't just make two wishes then wish for more wishes (how many times can you say wish in a sentence?). If you make two wishes then use your third wish for more wishes so you can make endless wishes until you're wished out and can't wish anymore or wish for more energy (OK, enough), then it's just a circular mess. You can't milk a Genie for all eternity - that's not how it works.

2. You can't bring people back from the dead because it's not a pretty picture and he doesn't like doing it.

Ok, even I learnt from the tale of the Monkey's Paw and I know that resurrection is more like to to turn into Pet Semetary than Jesus. I'd want to see some people again, like my Nana, but I know there better off now than when they were alive because they suffered. I will note however that he said 'people', does that mean I can bring Rueben back..?

3. He can't make anyone fall in love with you. 

Meh. If I can be bothered sometime it would be more organic and satisfying if it wasn't the result of lamp magic or witchcraft.

Wish those rules in place I've thought of the perfect plan, the only downside being that one day we could run out of Genies. Let me explain:

If I had a Genie I would start by making one wish let's say it's to be fit, a healthy slim which I can keep consistent. I'd choose my words carefully - you can't be too cautious.

Next I would wish for a new Genie. I can't wish for more wishes but no one said anything about a whole new Genie. 

Lastly, with my third wish I would do the right thing and set the first Genie free just like Aladdin did. Then I can make a wish with the second Genie, wish for a third Genie, set the second Genie free, and rinse and repeat. I probably wouldn't have more than three or four Genies overall I think because I don't need that much - skinny, money... I can't even think what else now. Money of course encapsulates travel, buying properties (to set up my non-profit Dog farm), setting up my family financially and buying myself every single book on my Kindle wish-list. Money isn't the key to life and won't solve all my problems but it'll certainly make it a lot more fun! And I wouldn't stop working like a trophy wife because I would get bored too easily.

So there you have it; the perfect solution. 

Sam xox


Sometimes I think I live at the gym, but still I can't lose weight. My eating isn't perfect but if you tell me yours is then I will backhand you.

So I'm a little extra curvy and sometimes looking at myself naked in the mirror makes me want to cry. But it's not for lack of trying and I do genuinely love myself the way I am though I think there are a lot of other elements that go into losing weight. Health being of course a big one. 

I don't think I'll die alone because I'm a curvy size 12 and I don't think I'm necessarily ugly though heck knows I'm not super photogenic unless it's a selfie. But I don't really do this for anyone else but myself. I don't like that sometimes pants are tight and that my stomach isn't close to flat - these things bother me. I'm only a 5"3 girl and I should weigh like 50kg by all rights and I don't. 

I embrace having curves - I do - but there is sometimes a difference between sexy curves and unhealthy.

I will continue to do 100 crunches per night until kingdom come but it better work, it's all in saying. 

Or I could get a Genie. I need some more money too because I am a curvy, broke ass bitch. I don't have a boyfriend but I still don't want one of those, so I'd rather just have the cash for travel and pretty things, and the flatter stomach, Genie.

Ok thanks.

Sam xox

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Single Ladies (Put Your Hands Up)

I still feel the same as this morning and last night, although I don't feel necessarily repulsed anymore or even so adverse. I do however feel very liberated that I just don't care or want that right now (that being love, romance, sex etc). 

I've felt like this before and it was as fantastic a feeling then as well, but it didn't last forever. In fact this is all I've ever wanted in life since it seemed that those things weren't coming for me and to be perfectly honest it kills me to feel the way I have felt (that it wouldn't happen for me).

I used to wish for love, then when I grew up I started wishing to not care. So believe me when I say that I am so happy today, so relieved, there feels like a weight off my shoulders right now and I just cross all my fingers and toes that this feeling lasts much longer than last time. Relive the past decade of my life and you'll understand why this sudden feeling is so amazing for me.

Being single is great, and genuinely not caring to be in a relationship or having to entertain the bullshit that comings with searching for one is like a goddamn dream come true. Cupid finally granted me another reprieve since the last one 3 years ago. I hope this one endures much longer than before, but I'll take what I can get.

The only real down side to this is that it makes my lack of too many single girlfriends who like to go for drinks, to the drags and out for a dance a little more frustrating. I have single girlfriends sure and plenty of them really close but they're mostly more like the other side of me that prefers to read a book or stay in for the night then go for a wild night with martinis. Don't get me wrong either because women in relationships can be like that too (occasionally...) but it's kind of nice to be on the same page as someone and not worrying about needing to be a third wheel to spend time with them since I've finally exceeded the limit of times that that's ok (unless in transit). I could write a whole post about the issues I have with co-dependent relationships but suffice it to say I really appreciate the single friends that I have because sometimes couples can be absolute insufferable - and not even because I'm jealous or lonely. Identity issues, independence and irritation, anyone? No one likes that girl who can't do things without her partner.

It seems that everytime I meet a cool new single girlfriend that I can have a glass of wine and a joke about men with, within a short space of time they're suddenly bowled over by a relationship and then I get to see them less and less. I kid you not this has happened to me about 4 or 5 times, almost as many times as I've lost relationships with straight male friends because of their partners. 

I'm going to still be alone a lot - that's no change - but I love this feeling so much because I am just so happy to be happy. Freedom. 

When a guy texts me, a romantic interest that is, and my first thought is 'go away', that's the best feeling ever for me. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, it does to me.

I hope that this feeling lasts forever this time.

Sam xox 


Sometimes you will just have a sudden moment of clarity, or at least something that changes your mind very quickly. 

For some people it's when smoking marijuana, for some after an orgasm, for some it's whilst drunk, and for others it's something a lot simpler like after exercise of any kind. Now I don't smoke, have never had an orgasm, and tend to either cry or giggle when I'm drinking so for me those moments of absolute clarity come few and far between.

Last night I spent the evening either speaking to or being ignored by a few different men. I liked all of them (hated to like one in particular), when right in the middle of things something just clicked in my brain and I really just didn't want to talk after that. 

It was odd that I actually felt myself do a 180 turn in about a split second I went from lighthearted fun to stone cold sober and actually feeling a huge draw away. None of these men repulse me but I was so opposite to what I had been only moments before that I almost felt repulsed. This morning I can't shake the feeling.

For all intents and purposes it might be a good thing, but I don't think I could bring myself to speak to any of them today. I don't know how to describe it any better but it's like I need to get as far away from men in that context as humanly possible.

Sam xox

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Into the Wild: Prologue

Every great adventure starts with taking the first step.

In this case, unlike my myriad of others, it starts 10 minutes from home, a coffee frappe and a hit of McDonald's breakfast.

I am not working today, rather I am in fact going to check out my own new backyard and exploring the Blue Mountains on a day tour! A day is all I have this time and you know I have actually been before - about 16 years ago when my cousin used to live there.

I intend to be inspired - stay tuned!

Sam xox