It has been a surprisingly long while since I was last here and whilst I was busy - again, always my excuse - there really isn't reason enough for me to give you that really explains enough where I've been since Halloween.
The truth is a lot has been going on and writing, even NaNo, has fallen behind in my priorities this year. I didn't really...feel it. Does that make sense? I just didn't feel inspired in that way enough to fight through the exhaustion at the end of the day and continue to write whether it was here on my blog or towards my 50k. I didn't finish NaNo for the third time in my life, and I didn't even keep on top of my blog. I'd hang my head in shame if I felt that bad but I actually really don't - which is a weird thought of it's own.
Who even am I if I don't write? What makes me me?
Well it's not as dramatic as all that, I still have plenty of ideas and I still love to tell stories, I just think maybe I've grown past that time in my life which I can write all night anymore. Scary.
Do I still want to publish? Absolutely. But it is starting to seem more like a pipe dream now when I'm 26 and have 15 stories but only 1 manuscript that I've submitted exactly once. It's not an unattainable goal and I know that I am a good writer (I'm no Dickens but I'm sure as hell better than Stephanie Meyer), so what other than my own distraction and probable laziness is really stopping me?
Here's an idea, and bare with me through some more philosophical BS: I've actually started to live and just enjoy that.
Aside from when I was travelling, and this is part of my desire to travel, I for so long just felt like I was waiting for my life to begin. Kind of like Rapunzel in the opening number of Tangled. I was just sort of going day to day, didn't really have too much of a purpose though I knew because I was alive I had to have one, but waiting to start actually living. The long periods between travel and adventure kind of felt like living in the pause screen though I continued to age. It kind of sucked.
Now, particularly since moving to Sydney, I don't feel that way anymore. I still travel, I still write, I still read all the time, but sometimes those things are on pause because there is so much real life just happening around me.
After Halloween I continued to go on more dates (some terrible, some great), I got busy at work and took on overtime, my mother came to visit, a good friend moved to Sydney, a friend from Canada came to visit and I actually met someone pretty lovely. NaNo was on the back burner quite early because I was more excited about the real world than my annual escape into my mind temple, and the next thing I knew it was time to deck the halls. Two trees, Christmas shopping and candy canes later I'm ready to just relax into the festive season.
I am so excited for it this year as well. I am going home for Christmas, oddly so, and I'm looking forward to it (don't remind me of this, but yes I am keen to go to Perth - not something you'd think I'd say). I get to seem some friends, my family, and take a week off to hug all my animals, laze by the pool and drive my car down the freeway with Christmas carols as loud as they'll go. I could do that here with my headphones but it wouldn't have the same effect...
So get excited guys - I got my Santa hat out, my egg nog on the brew and I'm ready to jingle the hell of all the bells.