But aren’t you lonely?

If I hear someone ask me again if I’m lonely because I’m single, I think I’ll scream and hurl my phone out the window. Then quite possibly my whole self off the side of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. 

Being single is not new to me - honestly I don’t even know anything different. But being single doesn’t mean that I am lonely. I’ve got a lot of friends, family, a great job and career that actually pays pretty well these days. I’ve got a dog and a whole dog park community. 

The more I think about it and the older I get the more offensive it gets that anyone would assume that of all the muchness I have in my life I would be lonely simply because I don’t have a sexual/romantic partner. 

Once upon a time when I was younger - yes, I wanted to meet someone and fall in love and live happily ever after. Has that ever happened? No. Have I fallen in love? Yes. Has that ever genuinely actually been reciprocated? No, not once.  

If you’re looking for lonely - that’s where it is. Being with someone who doesn’t love you, yearning for the ones you love to have time for you or to love you back. I don’t have that anymore.

I have the utmost luxury in life to be alone when I want to be and surrounded by friends or family when I want to be social. So far this year I’ve spent pretty little time alone and there has maybe been one or two days (In 7 months) that I’ve been lonely because I wanted people around and couldn’t swing it. Not romantically, just generally socially. The only times I’ve felt lonely have been because all my friends are busy and I’m feeling social. 

I actually think these days the longer it goes on that I’m single the less I even care. Getting colder maybe, getting older definitely. Do I still dream of that happily ever after? Not really. I don’t particularly see a lasting romance or wedding or any of that in my future at all, I’ve kind of buried it and I don’t even really care that I have. 

I haven’t dated for months and it’s nice. I despise the apps and I’ve resolved to never return. Anytime I’ve even mildly fancied someone they’ve cured me of it pretty quickly. What’s the point anymore? 

Along with ‘aren’t you lonely?’, I want anyone thinking to say ‘I just want you to be happy’ to seriously reconsider. Is my being single an immediate indication of my being unhappy? Why? Have you not met people in relationships before? The last time I was in a relationship I was extremely unhappy and unhealthy. And they didn’t even love me - what was the point? 

My happiness is tied to me - not some random, magical dude who’s supposed to come along and fix everything in my life. What is he, my fairy godfather?

My friends make me happy. Doing well at work, getting to do what I love and nerding out on history every day of my life. My dog. Makeup. Going on adventures, travelling, reading, writing, high tea, a hot cup of coffee, chocolate, a nice rose, bao, dumplings, sushi, going to Costco, Latin music, animals, horror movies, and so much more. 

Romantic relationships are not forever and are not the only thing in the world. I’m not unhappy, but I am tired and frustrated.

I don’t think I even want to meet someone anymore, I just can’t picture it being worthwhile for me. The long, long lists of disappointing straight men has definitely left me exceptionally low on steam and optimism. I’m better off just focusing on more fulfilling and worthwhile pursuits that will actually continue to make me happy. 

I used to ask the universe for my one true love and I think it’s probably just been me all along and I just took a while to realise.