Ghost in the Blue Shell

This is a bit of a random one. It didn’t happen recently but it seemed like a good time to talk about it.

Last year I briefly dated someone before the lockdown (the big official one we had in Sydney) started. Now technically we were an item, but it was so fresh it barely counted for anything. What actually happened, and it kills me that it happened again, but I wasn’t particularly sold at first and my spidey senses were actually screaming at me not to do it (always listen to your intuition, Ladies) but I let my friends talk me into it.

I have autonomy - of course. But the truth is I so rarely meet anyone let alone someone that my friends seem to like. So I let my friends - who I love and trust and know only want the best for me - convince me to give a guy a chance. 

Mistake, obviously - but I took a chance. 

But at the end of the day I know myself the best and I should have just trusted my gut. 

The lockdown - for me - was divine intervention. The lockdown came along and nipped that shit right in the bud. 6 weeks into the lockdown I was absolutely un-invested and ready to press that eject button like you wouldn’t believe. 

It started earlier than that though. There was always an excuse, a few weeks into dating there was never any quality time beyond a couple of hours at a time, it was always fly-by-night and not in s fun way. It wasn’t like an affair, it wasn’t exciting or sexy or romantic. From the get go it was honestly kind of boring - and it got so, so much more boring. 

On several occasions, he just didn’t turn up when he was supposed to. Said he forgot. Travelled over two hours home past my place. Please, I’m not an idiot. 

I feel like maybe you could overlook the behaviour if certain elements were really great. They’re so hot, the sex is so good, you love their personality, those kinds of things. Well,  they weren’t really there either. It was like getting fox-trapped into monogamy with against my will. 

Trust me, on reflection I want to slap myself and just ask what the hell I was thinking. 

Remember when I said the lockdown was like divine intervention? It was. 6 weeks in the veil was lifted and the conservative comments came through. Some kind of sexist, some kind of racist, but mostly a short list of the same anecdotes that kept repeating. Which made no sense to me given the short time span - I ran out of interest so quickly and grew frustrated by how boring the conversation was. Meanwhile I was talking to my friends daily, with new material despite not going anywhere, doing anything or seeing anyone. 

My uncle used to tell me that only boring people were bored.  Maybe that’s true, but Jesus Christ did this man bore the ever living fuck out of me. 

You know the worst part though? This person was a police officer for many years across different departments. How could you be so boring with such interesting story potential? And it wasn’t like it had been confidential work. 

It’s because I cried at a wedding, wishing I’d meet someone. Some wanker god or spirit heard me and was like ‘I’ll show you, you dumb b’ and yeah, jokes on me. I guess I deserved that because you should always be careful what you wish for. I do not wish anymore.

At any rate, the lockdown bailed me out. By 6 weeks I was done and the lockdown lasted 4 months. I did not see this man once in all that time. By the time it ended, there were no plans to see each other and I did not care. I let him ghost me.

Oh he gave some story that he was sick then went radio silent - I didn’t know anyone in his family, he had no friends.  There was no way for me to fact check and for all I know he could have died. In my mind he may as well have. Whilst I wasn’t sad it was done the ghosting was still rude - an extremely emotionally immature response but I was still relieved I didn’t have to do it. 

I had a dream a few months ago when I did actually meet someone incredible when this ghost in blue showed up and said I couldn’t leave because technically we hadn’t broken up. Dream me was like yeah that’s technically true. Real me though would question why he did and admire the courage - before telling him to fuck off. 

There is not one aspect of that whole ordeal that I don’t reflect on and cringe at. Definitely a learning experience though. Made me think a bit less favourably of the police overall (he considered himself s liberal one, yikes).

In the end, it was what it was and thankfully I got out of it unscathed. But why am I telling this story? I don’t know, as a reminder to myself and anyone that ever listens to me to trust your gut. Don’t date people because other people tell you they’re great, do not ignore the red flags. Most importantly, I’d say though, is that even if they’re so boring (albeit shitty) that you want to ghost yourself, it’s still really bad behaviour to ghost people you’re dating. 

Everyone should go to therapy, emotional maturity is a fundamental life skill and most of us could work on that. 

Sam xox