Single

Like everything in life, there's good and bad to being single. Most of the time the good generally outweighs the bad especially when we live in the 21st century and women can do pretty much anything without a partner. Except for the occasional ridiculously tough jar. 

Once upon a time I used to wish I was a princess and I dreamt of meeting a prince. But as I got older people seemed to feel the need to tell me over and over again that fairy tales aren't actually real and that Prince Charming isn't going to be the way that I imagined, that there are no happy ever afters. By now that kind of talk is beyond old and I don't care for it, especially when fairy tales are the kind of lucid thing that changes depending on the situation. I'm not locked up in a tower, no, but writing off that optimistic, fluffy, magical side to romance sort of leaves you with that age old pessimism that I don't agree with.

I don't necessarily believe in Prince Charming, per se, but I do believe in love and when it comes to romance I have some pretty high standards. Which is probably why I have only ever been single. 

The perks of being single could write their own book, the least of which denoting how free it can make you. You get to do your own thing, you're independent, you're free to meet whoever and in whatever context you like, and you don't have to always take them to functions. Plus you get way more time with your friends, and when you're working full time this can pretty much be invaluable.

But since I don't actually have a past relationship to compare single life with, I'll shy away from what I think are the myriad of perks and get to the root of my problem with being single: it's full of double standards. 

For one thing people can pity you, not always and they don't always mean it in a bad way, but it happens. I guarantee you at some point every single person has been or will be pitied in some way. People can be mean, and sometimes they love to show off what they have that you don't. Be it "my boyfriend does this" or "my girlfriend has that" or even the classic "oh, you don't have a boyfriend?". Depending on the mood you're in, a comment like that can be brushed right off or is going to swirl around in your mind like Iago whispering in your ear. Everyone has their own self confidence and esteem issues, and  a lot of people have days when they don't want to be on their own.

And sometimes it bothers other people that you are, too. Single people, especially happy single people, can be threatening to couples. Particularly the ones that are unhappy or insecure. Generally I am happy to be on my own, but sometimes I desperately wish I wasn't purely because it would stop some of the problems I have had with other women surrounding their men. I've had more than one occasion in the past 5 or so years when dramas have arisen because I've been perceived as a threat. I have a flirty personality, apparently, that was once described as "will flirt with anything that moves". Far from flattering, really, and since it's predominantly unintentional it can be pretty upsetting when it gets me in trouble. Like the time a close male friend sat me down and informed me that we couldn't hang out too often because his girlfriend flat out hated me. Or the time a friend yelled at me because her boyfriend and I had a joke together...in a room full of others. 

I am far from beauty queen material, and my self esteem has it's wobbly moments, but I am definately not a maneater or boyfriend stealer. Believe me when I say I wouldn't know how to go about it if I tried, and it really hurts when people treat me like I am because I can't control my personality. Those moments are the worst. 

Not as bad as being set up, perhaps, or accused of putting people in the 'friendzone' (talk about a unfair and stupid concept) but no more flattering to you either. As someone who makes friends relatively easy, with both sexes, it's kind of craptastic when you're accused of popping people in the friendzone if you'd genuinely just rather be their friend. We've got to stop treating the friendzone like it's the hell mouth. 

I will be the first to say that I have very high standards. It's a fact I've no choice but to accept by now, and I'm not necessarily always glad of it. Having high standards in life are great because they mean I don't settle and I'll get myself the best (in most aspects, not just this one) and I respect myself, but the downside is that because my expectations are so high I am easily disappointed. High jump, higher fall and all that. 

I have high standards on the kind of man I'd like, the sort of things I'd do, and the way i try to treat people and expect to be treated in return. It's all a part of that fairy tale, rose-coloured view of the world that people always tell me not to have. So being a single girl I have views on the way single people should be treated, and my absolute pet hate is to be bailed on for a guy. If we have plans and you bail on me for your significant other, 9 times out of 10 I'm probably not ok with it. For one thing I think it's just not cool, you don't ditch friends for a date even if there is a possibility of sex, and secondly it's insinuating that because I'm single I would do the same if I 'understood'. Nope. I don't have to have a boyfriend to see that you want to spend time with him, but don't bail on me if we've got plans. If all my friends were to continue to bail for a date, male or female, then I'm going to end up on my own so much more than I already do because I'll feel my friends don't respect me or my time, and they're unreliable. It's do unto others, but that is one thing I'm telling you I could never do. 

So there is good and bad to being single. I like my independence and I love the way my life is without some guy, plus I'm not settling and still keep my fairy tale image that an unfortunate amount of people seem to bury in realism. But I don't have anything to compare it to, so my opinion comes from only one side of the coin and consists of both the good and actually pretty negative experiences I've had over time. I'm not trying to say it's better to be single, and I'm sure as he'll not bemoaning the fact that I am, this post is just meant to re-establish that single people aren't lepers. We aren't miserable, we aren't trying to steal your partners, we don't deserve to be bailed on and telling us to 'just give him/her' a go even if we're not that keen isn't the best way to go about making us meet the right person. Spark is a real thing, and the 'friendzone' is not a bad place to be unless you're willing to settle or be settled for. 

Something to think about. 

Sam xox