Two truths and a lie

I’m home on the comfy new couch (not on the train this time). It’s a lazy Sunday and I’ve got plenty to do but instead I thought this was something important to talk about. 

This is going to singe a few people, but here we go.

My uncle, who I didn’t have the greatest relationship with for a few years I’ll admit, is getting the short end of the stick with my family and his B-word of an ex-wife. 

Why? I hear you ask, and the actual reasoning is kind of beyond me. Let’s unpack. 

I guess you could say it started years ago when my uncle, a few years after his divorce, started to pursue a romantic relationship with a woman overseas. It progressed and he eventually proposed and she moved to Australia to be with him (with her teenaged daughter). They’re both fine people, I have no personal beef with either of them outside of this situation.

The wedding was initially delayed and my uncle was pretty unsure about whether that was actually what he wanted. We’ve all been there; wondering if we actually fancy this person or not, or if it’s just that other people think they’d be good for us. It’s happened to me a few times but I’d rather not settle unless I was totally sure they’re who I wanted to be with. Unfortunately for my uncle he was sort of talked/guilted into it and they got married. 

As far as I know things were fine for a while. The new wife eventually became an Australian citizen (good for her) and my uncle started to come out of his shell a little being a part of the greater international community of his wife’s country of origin. 

My uncle is the baby of his generation so it makes sense to me that he’s a bit spoilt by his parents (particularly by my grandad) and so it was unsurprising to me, albeit frustrating, that our newest cousin (who I jokingly referred to as a changeling) got some special treatment for being his first child (even if she was by marriage). I’m the oldest cousin though so things have changed a lot since I was her age and it felt a little unfair - but she was just a kid so I didn’t bother bringing it up.

By last year my uncle was starting to feel over the situation he didn’t entirely want in the first place. To make matters worse my uncle has always had very poor hearing - borderline legally deaf level of poor. Last year though he got a cochlear implant which has improved his life a lot. Where that’s bad though is he now hears a lot of the thing his wife says to people around him that he didn’t used to be able to hear. The things she said to people they knew about him and on his behalf - not all good or flattering things. She also got a lot of additional attention by being his unofficial carer.

From this point on the idea that he really didn’t want to be in this position anymore began to solidify for him. Plenty of minor interactions between them, including some of her being actively violent toward him, made up his mind much quicker. 

At the same time he confided in a female friend and they grew close. Nothing happened, but as is pretty common amongst friends (especially men and women) there was a little bit of romantic feeling. Was it ideal? No. Was it possibly a little bit of emotional cheating? Yes. But did anyone act on it? No. 

But as I’m sure you could guess it blew up. My uncle’s wife went through his phone and private conversations. Yikes. Whilst that would be upsetting for any woman to see, is it justifiable for her to have snooped? Hell no. 

Anyway, she went nuts. Threatened him, threatened the other woman, made a scene to anyone who’d listen and set up a situation to actively humiliate him in front of his peers. Even threatened to jeopardise his job. Real unhinged woman scorned behaviour. I don’t blame her for being angry and hurt, but that’s sort of where I draw the line in sympathy because when I tell you this woman absolutely went off the rails I am not joking. 

Given the situation my uncle formally ended the relationship (which will go into legal divorce territory in a few months) and offered her money. She told him to shove the money he offered where the sun doesn’t shine and continued to whinge to anyone who’d listen including to my mum, my aunt, my grandad, my cousins, even our second cousins and distant relatives. Then she did perhaps one of the most offensive things and moved into my grandad’s house with him.   

Not a single person I’ve mentioned this to has thought this was acceptable or sane. Is this bitch serious? Sadly, yes. And this action has slowly started to tear my family apart to which I guarantee you this woman has no empathy or accountability for. 

Now, she lives with my grandfather where she doesn’t pay any rent or bills, doesn’t contribute in any way, and even drives his car around to save money on petrol on the BMW she has parked in the driveway. This is a woman who was violent and abusive to his son and does nothing but defame him to anyone who’ll listen. 

Can I get ‘gold digger’ for 10, Alex? 

This situation has effectively killed all family events, ruined relationships between people, and divided the family into two camps. No one is Switzerland (at least at this stage) and I’m beyond comprehension as to how we got here. 

I’ve heard both sides - trust me - and yet people keep pouring gasoline on the situation. Here’s a few examples:

- my grandad keeps calling anyone a liar who speaks against this woman’s behaviour and refusing to see evidence of said behaviour.

- this woman flaunts her money whilst living off and taking advantage of my grandad (she’s constantly going to and throwing parties and currently off to the Philippines).

- members of my family have been rude to and bullied my uncle online. 

- my aunt gave an entire speech about this woman for the woman’s birthday party at the expensive (claiming it was on behalf of the whole family when my mum and I had chosen not to attend) of my uncle (her brother), then proceeded to gaslight him for being upset. 

- posted stylised photos of her surrounded by gifts at my grandad’s house whilst my uncle was in the ER due to

covid.

- this woman keeps demanding money from my uncle (parroted by the people on her side) and lying about the fact that he had offered her money which she told him to shove. 

- essentially challenged my mum to a debate of sorts on who would people believe of the two of them. Villain energy for sure.

- this woman puts on a show in front of people she wants to believe her and keeps looking for ways to try to defame my uncle to the people he knows. Including saying one this to my mum, in writing, then turning around and saying it never happened when it’s literally there in writing. 

- actually this last one has happened a lot. There’s been a lot of written rudeness and attempted cover-up of it. 

I shouldn’t have to say so, but if you write something and send it to someone (especially online) you can’t take it back. Just own up to it - you’re cooked. 

In case you can’t tell, I’m really tired and frustrated by this situation. I’ve made it clear where I stand on the situation and yet every now and then someone tries to convince me I’m wrong. So let me be clear in what I think:

My uncle’s not perfect and he made some bad choices including marrying the woman when he wasn’t sure and having what can be viewed as an emotional affair. He know this though and regrets both greatly. 

However, this woman has well and truly gone above and beyond in being a lying, gold digging, shit-stirring bitch who’s tearing my family apart and has no remorse. That is some psychotic behaviour and I’m not here for it. Especially when you add in that she’s been violent and abusive (think munchausen by proxy) toward him. 

Get the actual hell out of my grandad’s house and fuck off. 

That being said, the damage is already done. The impact of the situation on my uncle’s relationship with his father, sister and her family is possibly irreparable. He’s so hurt, betrayed and angry that I can’t see things changing any time soon. That means family events like Christmas, Easter, birthdays and anniversaries are off the table indefinitely like they have been so far this year. 

I miss my Nana, who has been gone 7 years almost now, and would be rolling in her grave at what is happening. Yet the other side genuinely think that had she been alive would have allowed this woman, who had treated her youngest child so, to move in? Or treat people this way? Or some of the other behaviours happening between family as a result of the situation? You’re crazy and never knew her at all if that’s your opinion. Nana would have been the first person to tell this woman to GTFO. I can hear her saying so now. 

So that’s the truth. Or am I just a liar too? 

Sam xox