I Hate Valentine’s Day

I cannot remember a time that I ever enjoyed Valentine’s Day. 

For as long as I remember it has just been a day of bad luck, overly saccharine couples, and sometimes pity. I get what it’s supposed to be, and I’ve explored it’s supposed history before here but I will never understand it and I don’t feel like I ever could enjoy it at this point. I have tried to in the past but except on the occasions when I’ve actively eschewed anything to to with the day it backfires on me. 

I have had a Valentine’s Day date once in my entire life - that wasn’t just with friends. I mean a real date with a human man. Once. And it was pretty bad.

It was the following year after I wrote my last piece about Valentine’s Day (linked above) and during the brief period of time when I was trying to be a part of it un-ironically and open-mindedly. I know, unlike me, but I really did try.

But this is how my Valentine’s Day went: 

I dressed up, new lingerie and everything, he gave me flowers, then we went out for ice cream and then to the Electric Circus. Sounds ok so far doesn’t it? Well, I paid for everything, I drove, he got drunk, didn’t say anything about the lingerie, but did proceed to tell me how his mates thought I was super average looking and should probably wear more make up. Not exactly the romantic evening I’d had planned but at least I had some flowers I didn’t have to buy myself. 

The following year I was heartbroken, bought a piñata and beat it to hell with a friend to supervise me. 

Every year since has been the same - I warn people not to bother me, I turn off my phone, and I spend a nice day watching thrillers or horror movies - whatever I feel like. Sometimes it’s alone, sometimes it’s with friends, but I basically just have a break from the world. 

Like I said, I don’t really know when or where it started but the few times I’ve tried to enjoy it in the way that it’s intended to be spent I end up sorely disappointed and often pretty hurt. Even before my singular Valentine’s date came and went. 

I definitely care - that’s probably pretty obvious - but I think I get the better deal. It’s just like that meme - can’t be crushed on Valentine’s Day if you don’t have Valentine’s Day.

For the people out there thinking why don’t I take it as a day to celebrate with other loved ones? Why do I have to see it as a romantic day? Well, firstly it’s never romantic for me, but mostly because that’s not what the day is supposed to be about. Just look on Facebook - it’s still two weeks away and I’m seeing multiple posts a day on what to do, where to go, what to buy your SO (or yourself) for Valentine’s Day. But I have my own money I spoil myself whenever I feel like I need it, I go where I want to go and I do what I want to do. I can show my friends and family love the other 364 days of the year - that’s not what Valentine’s Day is for. Don’t even get me started on fake secret admirer cards or gifts - well meaning, but caused me a lot of hurt in the past. 

I’ve swapped Valentine’s gifts with girl friends before and it was sweet so long as I knew it was from them. Once a friend sent me a box of party-sized chocolates with puns attached to each, another time a different friend and I sent each other donuts. I don’t deny that it can be fun and cute when it’s with a friend - but it has to be the right context and for the right reasons.

There’s also Galentine’s Day, February 13th, which was something, I believe, started by Amy Poehler and Tina Fey to celebrate female friendships adjacent to Valentine’s Day - something I’ve taken up as a tradition with my best friend annually. We do some fun girl dates, we have a laugh. This year we’re planning something again. 

The rise of Galentine’s Day has also filled that space, at least for me, in celebrating something like a valentine with friends. As that tradition has developed I’ve stopped trying to rebrand Valentine’s Day for myself and just chosen to avoid it - and who cares what I do.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I don’t hate men or romance or couples or love itself. I really don’t. It’s just hard sometimes when it has always avoided me, and avoiding Valentine’s Day, a day that has literally always done me wrong on so very many levels, is one way that I can take some power back over it. 

Couples are going to have great dates and PDA and be openly in love etc out in the world every day of the year if they want to, and good for them, but it’s just that little bit extra on Valentine’s Day and I don’t want to be part of it. It’s a bit of a reminder of something I’ve never gotten to experience (a least without trauma).

So, as usual I’ll be MIA this Valentine’s Day and that’s ok. I’m ok, the world will still turn without me, my cloud won’t ruin anyone else’s day and I’ll be happier. You can call me bitter, jealous, sad, whatever you want - I don’t mind. I am what I am, I’m just honest about it. 

Actually, funnily enough I turned someone down for Valentine’s Day this year. I don’t fancy him, I don’t want to date him generally, and I definitely don’t want him sending me any flowers etc. For one - I’m not dating right now and two, I reiterate, I don’t want to date him. This was also immediately following my telling him why I hate Valentine’s Day and, to the best of my ability, why. 

Maybe one day i’ll be out there and have a genuinely really great Valentine’s Day and I’ll be all loved up and happy and it won’t end in disaster. I’m not against it, I don’t think it’s likely, but I’m not against it. 

To everyone out there who genuinely enjoys the day and is going to celebrate with someone they love - I wish you all a lovely day. To everyone else I hope your dreams for the day come the day come true and that you can have all the positive vibes. 

Sam xox