Revelation

At therapy today we were talking about approaching dating with a sense of optimistic caution and the lengths of time in which it takes to know and learn to trust someone.

And I’ve had a revelation. 

I am more often than not, not interested or particularly attracted to men that I date when I meet them in person. The times that I’ve been the most attracted the men have been open and straightforward about their interest in me. But I’ve realised, with the help of my therapist, that those men are so open because they’re emotionally unavailable or running from something of their own and putting on a front. Their openness and interest is ramped up but not genuine. 

Which is why I am drawn in and disappointed every time. They were never available, they were never truly genuinely interested in me in the way that I deserve, and I am so starved for positive attention that I fall for it every time.

Fuck.

Sam xox