Rambles in Consternation

The countdown to La Vie Europe is on and with that comes the frustrating need to preserve every penny I have and the fear that spending a cent will ruin my life. Dramatic - of course. Necessary - more than you think.

So it's not a surprise to anyone that I've made the decision to travel rather impulsively - like Anne Shirley, Al would say - but whilst I'm wallowing in the hole of frugality I've dug myself I'm torn between a feeling of terror and self-righteousness. Yes, I have an insanely small budget for the time I'll be away, but the trip is something I want so badly I don't care if I'm in for a lot of very hugey days. Accommodation before dinner, after all. I'd rather forgo a meal than be sleeping on the streets.

But it's not all bad and whilst I'm terrified by my budget, despite all efforts to work while I'm waiting and with the intention to work whilst away, I'm defiantly forcing myself to see it as a challenge instead. Can I do this? The answer without a doubt has to be a resounding yes. Or how would I sleep at night?

So the game is on, so to speak, and whilst I'm afraid to spend money on anything right now I know that in the end it's all goin to work out just fine. Not by divine intervention or wishing on a star, despite my penchant for the world of Disney, but rather because I will make damn sure. All it takes is cutting down on expenditure in the form of cooking for myself, not buying things I don't need like  clothes or books, and basically just by toning down on the right things. 

I am edgy and irritable now - generally - and bored. I don't want to much because I can't afford to, but at the same one I'm going insane from the inactivity - as you can see from slapping red hand prints on myself and chasing my pets whilst in the process of putting streaks in my hair. And don't even get me started on the amount of hours I've clocked on the Sims World Adventures raiding tombs in Sim China and Sim Egypt. Yes, really.

The life of the Sim Winifred Connor is far more important than it should be, and becoming a master explorer is more of a personal goal than seems normal.

I implore you to give me a job for the next 7 weeks and put me out of my misery. 

But suggestions that have been made include volunteering, writing and researching into areas that I hope will someday become my phD topic. Of course that's an outlet for my creative side only, and the physical need to work out and be healthy also claws at me. And then there is the need to learn that comes from going back to study Greek and Roman mythology, the desire to become an expert in folklore and fairy tales both for the purpose of writing and academics. 

There's so much that I want to do and still I'm so torn between what. There's so little time but also so much of it; I need to earn more money and I'm desperate for a temp job; I want to volunteer and give back, I want to become a master explorer in the Sims, I want to write, I want to read, I want to learn. So my question is what the hell is stopping me? And why have I fallen into such a funk that I can barely make it past the front door of my house while I brim with impatience? 

Do I ever need to snap out of this.

Sam xox