How NOT to be a femme fatale
I like to think that if my life was a TV show, It would be called the Misadventures of Sam.
Basically, my daily fails would translate pretty nicely into the script of a Romantic-Comedy...except, you know, without the romance. But you know what I mean.
Television and movies like to promote the attractiveness and personality of a certain kind of woman: the femme fatale. Basically this is a woman who knows her way around a razor,always emerges with cool clothes and perfect hair, works out, has a good self esteem, is proud, stands up for herself, and emits a kind of sultry sexuality. Picture the likes of Carrie Bradshaw, Lara Croft, Rachel Green and Buffy Summers. Whilst all these characters do have their faults, their confidence in their femininity is never one of them.
Female sexuality, feminine grace and effortless womanhood are things that Hollywood and society like to make us think are the way women should be. And by all means, sometimes we should, but what gets glossed over, particularly in the more serious and dramatic genres, is that women fail too.
Have you ever tried to wax yourself? I have - failed quite dramatically. Painting nails? Failed that too. Makeup? Some days I'm lucky I don't leave the house looking like Pennywise from IT. Feminine grace? I'm not even sure that's a real thing - at least I certainly don't have it.
I am by no means the image of a red-dress wearing, big-lipped, sultry femme fatale. I'm not sure I could be even if I tried. But my question is this: how many women actually are?
Strike Hollywood starlets and socialites off the list, first of all. Those women often have personal trainers, gym buddies, make up artists, hair stylists and personal shoppers. Some economise and do it themselves, but when it comes to red carpet events or social agenda you can bet your bottom dollar that the polished look and grace is not due to natural feminism. Those women trip over their shoes, too. Embarrassing and awkward things do happen to them just like everyone else; one famous example is perhaps the unfortunate fashion event fiasco that happened to Jennifer Hawkins a couple of years ago. If Miss Universe's skirt can fall off on the runway, us mere mortals can breathe a little easier.
What about characters? Firstly, they're not real. Film editors and script writers put in a lot of hours to give their characters the perfect lines and stories, they don't just come up with them on the spot like in the real world. The same with hair, make up, clothing - those are tailored from the get go. Rule number one of being a real woman - no woman roles out of bed with perfect make up on in the real world. If you went to bed with make up on and don't wake up with panda eyes then thank your lucky stars, don't worry about not looking flawless that early. If there's a man there, then he should consider himself lucky to be there anyway, and trust me, I'm sure your slightly smudged make up probably isn't going to be the first thing on his mind.
Femme fatales are all well and good in movies - but they just don't exist in the real world. No woman can possibly be like that all the time. Just think about the logistics of that sort of situation; all the hours spent putting clothes, flawless make up and hair together, salon-grade wax and nail jobs at every turn, never tripping down the stairs in heels....they sound like aliens to me. Aliens who have no souls and feel no pain.
Real women, I like to think, are more like the ones in Romantic-Comedies. Or like my personal favourite feminine role model, Bridget Jones.
Basically, my daily fails would translate pretty nicely into the script of a Romantic-Comedy...except, you know, without the romance. But you know what I mean.
Television and movies like to promote the attractiveness and personality of a certain kind of woman: the femme fatale. Basically this is a woman who knows her way around a razor,always emerges with cool clothes and perfect hair, works out, has a good self esteem, is proud, stands up for herself, and emits a kind of sultry sexuality. Picture the likes of Carrie Bradshaw, Lara Croft, Rachel Green and Buffy Summers. Whilst all these characters do have their faults, their confidence in their femininity is never one of them.
Female sexuality, feminine grace and effortless womanhood are things that Hollywood and society like to make us think are the way women should be. And by all means, sometimes we should, but what gets glossed over, particularly in the more serious and dramatic genres, is that women fail too.
Have you ever tried to wax yourself? I have - failed quite dramatically. Painting nails? Failed that too. Makeup? Some days I'm lucky I don't leave the house looking like Pennywise from IT. Feminine grace? I'm not even sure that's a real thing - at least I certainly don't have it.
I am by no means the image of a red-dress wearing, big-lipped, sultry femme fatale. I'm not sure I could be even if I tried. But my question is this: how many women actually are?
Strike Hollywood starlets and socialites off the list, first of all. Those women often have personal trainers, gym buddies, make up artists, hair stylists and personal shoppers. Some economise and do it themselves, but when it comes to red carpet events or social agenda you can bet your bottom dollar that the polished look and grace is not due to natural feminism. Those women trip over their shoes, too. Embarrassing and awkward things do happen to them just like everyone else; one famous example is perhaps the unfortunate fashion event fiasco that happened to Jennifer Hawkins a couple of years ago. If Miss Universe's skirt can fall off on the runway, us mere mortals can breathe a little easier.
What about characters? Firstly, they're not real. Film editors and script writers put in a lot of hours to give their characters the perfect lines and stories, they don't just come up with them on the spot like in the real world. The same with hair, make up, clothing - those are tailored from the get go. Rule number one of being a real woman - no woman roles out of bed with perfect make up on in the real world. If you went to bed with make up on and don't wake up with panda eyes then thank your lucky stars, don't worry about not looking flawless that early. If there's a man there, then he should consider himself lucky to be there anyway, and trust me, I'm sure your slightly smudged make up probably isn't going to be the first thing on his mind.
Femme fatales are all well and good in movies - but they just don't exist in the real world. No woman can possibly be like that all the time. Just think about the logistics of that sort of situation; all the hours spent putting clothes, flawless make up and hair together, salon-grade wax and nail jobs at every turn, never tripping down the stairs in heels....they sound like aliens to me. Aliens who have no souls and feel no pain.
Real women, I like to think, are more like the ones in Romantic-Comedies. Or like my personal favourite feminine role model, Bridget Jones.
See this? Right here?
Bridget is 'every woman'. She is the perfect epitome of failing with style, and she incorporates so many issues that women face daily in the effort to appear, well, effortless. Think of the scene where she's getting ready for the work function: she waxes (with swearing and cursing), curls her hair in rollers, practices pronouncing big words to impress the man she likes (in the effort to appear smarter - whilst vaccuuming, I might add), and decides to wear the iconic 'big knickers' to make her look slimmer in her little black dress. Now that is what being a woman is all about.
No, I don't mean wearing big knickers or doing the hoovering whilst learning to impress your man - rather, running around like a headless chicken in the effort to appear smooth and graceful. We may not all do it in the same way, but we all do it. Bridget is just a charming iconic figure that embodies all these female misadventures that we both wish we didn't face and like to pretend we don't. We often go to so much effort to look effortlessly femme fatale that we sometimes end up on the couch with or without a bottle of wine (or vodka) in our pyjamas.
Part of what makes Bridget so amusing, inspiring and relatable all at the same time is the fact that she is just the kind of woman we can all be. She faffs about, fails and constantly stumbles from one misadventure to the next whether it's being caught out on a bluff in front of her boss, falling ass-first onto a camera off a fireman's pole, or just generally not being able to cook. But although we see all those things, Darcy and Cleaver don't. Obviously they see some - Bridget's not perfect - but sometimes all her efforts to seem graceful and feminine really do pay off. Her big knickers got her a boyfriend (who wasn't fooled, but was touched), her ridiculous birthday feast gave Darcy a chance to prove he was a good guy and gave them the opportunity to bond, and her law ball make up fail showed us that flawless make up application was definitely not a god-given gift to women.
So, ladies, don't stress. So what if your hair gets super windblown or you can't wax properly? There's professionals for that. Fell off the treadmill at the gym trying to impress a hottie? Plenty of us have been there. Can't sing karaoke? People shouldn't under the influence and expect to sound good anyway.
Forget the femme fatale image - it's just a sham most days. Just be yourselves, like Bridget Jones. It's exhausting trying to look and act so polished and perfectly feminine all the time. Men shouldn't judge us, and we shouldn't judge ourselves, for ending up on the couch in our pyjamas with a bottle of wine.
After all, I'd rather be like Bridget Jones than Carrie Bradshaw anyway. She's much more fun.
Sam xox
"No, I don't mean wearing big knickers or doing the hoovering whilst learning to impress your man - rather, running around like a headless chicken in the effort to appear smooth and graceful." haha i love it
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